I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I love having hate sex.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
