just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I'm always down for nudity.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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