So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
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