I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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