You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
