How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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