Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of course I have a pirate flag
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize