Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
