dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
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