I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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