Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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