She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
