I hate your face
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
