Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
