I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Are these your boobs on my camera?
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
