Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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