saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
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