i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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