Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
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