There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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