either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Randomize
