I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
