it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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