i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Randomize
