So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
