I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
