I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Randomize
