I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Randomize
