why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Randomize
