An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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