She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
