I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
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This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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