just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
