Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
