no, he came in my armpit
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
