Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
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