Pregnant stripper...not hot.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
