someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Dicks are not precious.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
