I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
