I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
