when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.