summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
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I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
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He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.