Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.