i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
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I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
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Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
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