I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Randomize
