can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize