You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Randomize
