I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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