How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
