I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
