i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
