On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize