Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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