Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
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