Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
