You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I just want nice things and good sex
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
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