This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
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