You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
