And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
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My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
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I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
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