So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
third nipple confirmed
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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