she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
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Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
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Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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