words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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