I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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